Today is a bad day, one hella bad day!
Had a tiff with my family and i feel so hurt after what they did and said. Put aside the things they've done, can't they just be careful with words? Is this how a family should be?? Critisizing and hurting people? We're not strangers, we're family! Money money money! The damn money that always cause so much unhappiness. If u're paid then it is a big deal, right? So if this is the case, i'll pay u $50 and i'll give u a few tight slaps, will u want it? Will u?
I always tell myself that i can give up the whole wide world, but i'll never let go of my mum! Never! And i'll always be with her no matter wad happens! The night before wasn't a peaceful night too because baby girl was having high fever and had to be rushed to the hospital. I didn't dare to sleep when u guys were not back. Why? I sacrificed my life and it's still not enough to prove how good i am? Mum didn't have any sleep because she was carrying the baby in her arms yet the parents were sleeping. Till this minute, i guess my mum has only rested around 2 hours and she's working now. Ok, let's just say u people have to work the next day but mum sacrificed her sleep, health and time for u guys. I only see unhappiness and unwillingness to look after the baby in u guys. I'm fking mad because we're not the parents yet we're doing so many things just because u said WE'RE PAID to babysit so we have to bear all the responsibilities that a parent has??? I wouldn't wan2 ur fking hundreds in the first place if i knew this would happen. So i see we're less important than ur money. If u want someone to be close with u then u should make the effort to spend time with her and try to do everything for her. It is not putting up a show in front of everybody to show how good u are.
A 19-year-old wouldn't want a life like mine. Babysitting? Stop freaking kidding! Nobody knows i feel like a loser. But i choose to live with it for the sake of u guys. It's really hurtful and disappointing... Tears are often hard to control whenever i quarrel. This is one of the few times when i cried real bad at the staircases because i don't wan2 cry in front of u lest u guys think i'm a crybaby. Yes, it is always hard on me. To u people, i am just a lazy girl who do nothing other than playing com and watching tv. Yes, thats the life i live but how are u guys better than me?
I volunteer to help with the housechores yet i don't even see u guys sweeping nor mopping unless mum ask u to. Spent an hour and the staircases and thought about lots of things. How did things turn out this way and why am i in this state? It's just heartbreaking.. I thought of leaving this home but it defnitely won't work things out. Everything changes so never to expect it to be the same forever. I used to think i have a family that loves me dearly when i was in primary school. Few years ago, i realised things were not the way i saw. I'm too stupid and naive. Greed, selfishness, life is just too pathetic for us. What to do? I guess it's a sin to live.
